Building a positive and healthy self-esteem is crucial for a child’s overall development and well-being. Self-esteem influences how children perceive themselves, how they handle challenges, and how they relate to others. A strong sense of self-worth can help children navigate various situations with success, leading to increased confidence and resilience in adulthood.
Tip #1 - Provide Unconditional Love and Support
Children need to feel loved and valued regardless of their achievements or mistakes. Communicate that your love is unconditional and not dependent on behavior or performance. Express your love and support consistently and in a way that your child can hear and receive it. Additionally, it can be helpful to tell you child specific things you love about them.
Tip #2 - Spend One-on-One Time Together
Spending quality time together is crucial in communicating your love and acceptance. Create time where you are not distracted by phones or other electronics and are able to engage in play and/or conversation. When life is busy, this can feel challenging. Remember that even small amounts of time can be beneficial to enhancing relationships and a child’s overall sense of self-worth. Some ideas: throw or kick a ball together, play a game, bake cookies, go out for ice cream, join in their play, build a fort, allow your child to pick a favorite activity, the list is endless.
Tip #3 - Create a Safe and Supportive Environment
Ensure that your child feels safe, secure, and supported in their environment. A positive and nurturing environment allows children to feel emotionally and physically safe, allowing them to authentically express themselves. Whether at home, away at school, or at extracurricular activities, take the time to understand your child’s environments and the people spending time with them. A positive atmosphere where they feel valued and accepted helps build their confidence and self-worth.
Tip #4 - Validate & Encourage Healthy Expression of Feelings
All feelings matter and it is important to help children develop appropriate ways to express a variety of emotions. Criticizing emotions may lead to shame, hiding emotions, or thinking certain feelings are not ok. When a child expresses an emotion in an inappropriate way, it is important to validate their emotion and then redirect the behavior. Validating feelings does not equal approval. Instead, validating a child’s feelings helps increase connection by showing that you understand their emotional experience and/or perspective. When a child feels connected and understood, they are more open to feedback and you have the opportunity to help them learn healthier ways of expressing their feelings.
Tip #5 - Encourage Your Child’s Effort
Recognize and encourage your child’s effort and persistence rather than focusing solely on products and outcomes. When children understand that effort and hard work are more important than perfect performance, they are more likely to develop the ability to self-evaluate and self-motivate. Look for times when your child is making an effort and be intentional in verbally acknowledging it. Examples of encouragement include:
“You worked hard to figure out that math problem.”
“You tried your best.”
“You played hard in your soccer game.”
“You are really trying to figure that out.”
Tip #6 - Acknowledge Positive Characteristics
Creating a healthy self-esteem involves acknowledgement of strengths and positive qualities. Look for the good in them and make an effort to verbalize positive characteristics to your child. You can point out their sense of humor when they make someone laugh, acknowledge an act of kindness, or spontaneously tell them something you enjoy about them.
Tip #7 - Help Your Child Practice Positive Affirmations
In addition to verbalizing positive characteristics to your child, it can be helpful to ask them to identify something they are proud of or like about themselves. This helps facilitate the development of their own ability to recognize positive things within themselves. Practicing daily affirmations can be a great habit to incorporate into your family’s daily routine. This can be done at bedtime, in the car on the way to school, at the dinner table, or any time of day that helps you be consistent.
Tip #8 - Avoid Criticism
The messages children hear from the adults around them often turn into their internal dialogue, impacting the way they view themselves. Negative statements can result in hurt feelings and a negative view of themselves. It is easy to say things you do not mean when upset, but children can cling on to your words. When disappointed or frustrated, try to verbalize corrective feedback with patience. Make an effort to verbalize that you are upset by your child’s actions or choices so they do not misunderstand and conclude that you are upset with who they are as a person.
Tip #9 - Encourage Healthy Social Interactions
Facilitate opportunities for your child to build and maintain friendships. Positive social interactions and supportive relationships play a key role in developing self-esteem. Help your child navigate social challenges when they arise, especially as social relationships become more complex. Also, be sure to celebrate their social successes to help your child develop the confidence necessary to navigate social situations in the future.
Tip #10 - Encourage Independence
Allow children to make choices and take on responsibilities appropriate for their age. Age-appropriate choices may include choosing what to wear, what game to play, or what snack to eat. Making their own choices helps children develop a sense of competence and autonomy. Chores or household responsibilities can also foster self-reliance and confidence, and may include managing their own homework, taking care of a pet, or helping with laundry.
Tip #11 - Model and Encourage Positive Self-Talk
A child’s internal dialogue has a big impact on the way they feel about themselves. Your words often contribute to the development of this internal dialogue, so pay attention to the messages you are sending. You can help your child recognize when their self-talk is negative and teach them how to make it more positive. For example, If your child is upset about losing their game and says they are terrible at basketball, you can validate that it is hard to lose a game and then point out that they played hard, remind them they made some good shots, and/or that they are still learning and will get better with practice.
Tip #12 - Model a Healthy Self-Esteem
Children often mirror the behavior and attitudes of the adults around them. Demonstrate positive self-talk and self-compassion in your own life. When your child sees you handle setbacks with grace and optimism, they are more likely to adopt a similar mindset.
Tip #13 - Support Their Interests and Passions
Encourage your child to explore their interests and passions. When children engage in activities they enjoy and feel successful, it boosts their confidence and reinforces their sense of identity. It is common for children to try a variety of sports, clubs, or interests as they work to figure this out. Try to refrain from showing frustration when they change interests and support their efforts to figure out what truly excites and motivates them. Support their hobbies by talking with them about their interests, showing up to their events, and celebrating their successes.
Tip #14 - Teach Resilience and Problem-Solving
Life is filled with challenges, and learning to navigate them is essential for building self-esteem. Help your child develop resilience by normalizing mistakes and setbacks and by helping them figure out how to move forward. You can teach your child problem-solving skills, role-play situations, share your own struggles (as appropriate), and help them view challenges as opportunities for growth. Be sure to communicate your belief in your child’s ability to overcome challenges and reach their full potential.
Tip #15 - Recognize and Address Mental Health Needs
Be attentive to your child’s mental health and emotional well-being. If they show signs of anxiety, depression, or other mental health concerns, seek professional support. Addressing these needs can prevent self-esteem issues from worsening and provide your child with the tools they need to thrive.
Conclusion
Building healthy self-esteem in children is an ongoing process that requires attention, encouragement, and understanding. By providing unconditional support, and fostering positive self-talk, you can help children develop a strong sense of self-worth. Investing in their self-esteem not only enhances their current well-being but also equips them with the confidence and resilience needed for future challenges. Remember, nurturing self-esteem is one of the most valuable gifts you can give to help your child thrive, both now and in the future.
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